As a family member it might be quite confusing dealing with someone who comes out to you. It can be hard at first, especially if you don’t know any other LGBT people yourself, but with time hopefully this will strengthen the relationship.

If you don’t know any other LGBT people you may find this particularly overwhelming. Remember that they are still the same person, and that by telling you about this part of their identity they trust you with this information and will probably want your support. Though they are the same person, they have spent plenty of time thinking about this aspect of themselves that you may not be familiar with.

Obviously this is different for everyone and how you both deal with it is based entirely on your relationship. It may take a while for you to understand what this means for them. You may often feel like you don’t know what the best question to ask is, or you may have too many questions and not to know which to ask, but remember that there is plenty of time to ask them. By trying not only to accept them but also to understand them, you’ll be strengthening your relationship as you’ll get to know them at a more honest level. It may take time, but eventually you will feel comfortable with this part of their identity. However this may only come through questioning them to find out more about what this part of their identity means to them.

Without questioning their identity, you may make them feel that it is something to be ashamed of and it can be very hard for someone when they feel outcaste in their own family or home. So it’s best not to shy away from this part of their identity, to allow them to feel comfortable around you and you to them. It is important to do this especially if they are still finding themselves. If they are still at the early stages of “coming out” – telling people about their identity – then they may not have all the answers and they will probably want as much support as possible. There are also plenty of other sources to find information about LGBT people including support groups for families (such as PFLAG) to help with trying to understand this part of their identity.

It may be especially confusing as a parent as you will probably have dreamt that they will have a partner of the opposite sex and that they will feel comfortable with the gender roles and identity associated with their biological/birth sex, so it may be difficult to try and understand this “new” part of their identity. Remember that they grew up believing the same thing, and it will have taken them time to find out who they are, and therefore they can’t expect you to understand them instantaneously.